Husbands, Love Your Wives

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Ephesians 5:25.

Can you believe that the apostle Paul found it necessary to tell husbands to love their wives? He didn’t put it in the form of a suggestion either. He commanded you and me to love our wives.

So that we might understand more fully the level of love he is talking about, he compared proper love for our wives to the love Jesus had for the church. It should go without saying that the church is not the building, nor is it a denomination. It is the saved people of all time. It is you and me, assuming you have been added by the Lord to His church (Acts 2:47).

Let’s examine this love we should show our wives.

Love seeks the benefit of the other. Jesus died for His church because He wanted to “sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the word” (Eph. 5:26). Through baptism Jesus removes the sins of those He adds to the church. This was only possible by the shedding of His blood on the cross. Do you love your wife in the same sacrificial way? Have you given up your best interest to seek hers? Or do you, like many men, do your own thing and if she isn’t interested, so what? Men are often protective of their time and make their own plans. Do you consider your wife and let her have her own time? Does she get to make plans for herself, or do you require that she always bend to your schedule? Do you keep the children and allow her some time to do what she wants to do?

Love is unconditional. Jesus loved us before we were lovable. He didn’t require us to show love to Him before He would love us back. Can we love our wives unconditionally? Can we love her when she is unlovable? If she messes up, does she gets the silent treatment? If she goofs do we verbally blast and demean her? Yet we expect our wives to love us even if we act like spoiled brats or become an additional child for her to bear.

Love her as you love yourself. “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:28). What do you do if you cut yourself working on the car? Stop, wash it out and get a band-aid? No one in his right mind intentionally breaks a leg or saws off a finger. We know how to take care of our physical bodies when they need attention and we don’t try to bring hurtful things on ourselves. Paul says we are to love our wives “as [our] own bodies.” So why do we hurt our wives feelings? Why don’t we act as if we care when they are hurting? It is because we do not have the love God wants us to have. It is because we are not loving like Jesus loved.

Love isn’t bitter or harsh. Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” We all get irritated with each other at times. How do you treat your wife during these times? Do you try to make her feel worthless and unwanted? Do you say hurtful things that you try to take back later? Even if you apologize, it is very difficult for a wife to believe you didn’t mean the words when you said them. They will haunt her for days, weeks or months because you have managed to destroy the security she seeks in your marriage.

Don’t lose a good thing. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.” We must appreciate our wives and understand they are a blessing from the Lord. It is my observation that generally the wife holds the family together and keeps it running smoothly. Don’t jeopardize a good thing. While divorce is sin and should not be an option, many wives today are unwilling to remain in a marriage where they are unappreciated and are not treated with love. Don’t give her a reason to leave.

Someone might say, “Well, that’s just teaching from 2000 years ago.” Paul wrote, “If anyone thinks himself to be a prophet or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things which I write to you are the commandments of the Lord” (1 Corinthians 14:37).

Husbands, do you appreciate the love Jesus has shown to us by making salvation possible? That same love is to characterize our affection toward our wives. If it is lacking, perhaps we don’t appreciate Jesus’ love. Put Jesus’ love into your marriage and see what you get in return.